For Forever
by Ufsu
Summary: This is an expanded version of For Forever with some more emotions, events and dialogues. One-shot. Enjoy ;) rated T for suicidal thoughts


_Hi folks! Today I decided to write something_ completely _new. I have to confess I watched the DEH bootleg (as if someone can judge me for doing that) and I got blown away! Maybe the idea is not new, I try not to read other fics on this fandom so I won't have desire to pick up somebody's idea. If you'd seen something like this before then sorry, I haven't stolen it from anywhere._

 _Evan's real thoughts are highlighted like_ this.

 _xoxo, Betsy_

* * *

Evan looked at Connor's mom. Poor woman never knew they have never been friends. They barely knew each other!

Why did he say that? Well, Connor signed his cast... So what? He did it after pushing Evan off his way.

Maybe he did it for Zoe... Did he? It didn't look like that. She _hated_ her brother, so being friends with him could only make the boy's matters worse.

Suddenly Evan heard Connor's voice say, "Now we can both pretend we have friends..." And everything became clear. He did it because Connor was just like Evan. If only they got to know each other earlier! Then everything would be different right now. But... how would it be?

 _End of May or early June_  
 _This picture-perfect afternoon we shared..._

They never shared it. No beautiful afternoons, no nicknames and no private talks. But if Evan couldn't give this all to Connor who was so lonely, just as he was, then, maybe he could give it to him now, after Connor's death. So Evan drifted off into a perfect dream, telling this all to his parents. It wasn't true, but it could have happened if they had met so much sooner.

 _Drive the winding country road_  
 _Grab a scoop at À La Mode_  
 _And then we're there..._

He didn't have a slightest idea where that place was and still he could see every detail. Evan imagined everything the way it was in movies. They sit in an old red truck, Connor sits behind the wheel and Evan just watches the road. It is always better to think about some random things when you are on the road. It feels very special. What does Evan think of? He thinks of Zoe... Maybe he should ask Connor what she likes. Then his thoughts switch to their friendship. It is unusual to keep it in a secret, but that doesn't really change much. They still have walks together, talk about anything they can only think of and laugh. They laugh all the time. Oh, I wish so much it really was that way...

 _An open field that's framed with trees_  
 _We pick a spot and shoot the breeze  
Like buddies do..._

He sees it so bright that his eyes almost start to ache. Clear blue sky with several white fluffy clouds, a yellow field and a huge tree right in the middle. They don't go directly to it at first, they sit not far from the place where the truck is parked instead. Evan turns his head and sees the wind playing with Connor's long hair. Connor closes his eyes and lets the gentle breeze blow on his face. Evan does the same.

 _Quoting songs by our favorite bands  
Telling jokes no one understands  
Except us two..._

What was his favourite band?.. FFDP? He didn't look like a heavy-metal fan... Then... MCR? Might be... or... Pierce the Viel? Good job, Evan, you know so many _different_ bands! Oh, wait! Maybe, Taylor Swift would do?! At least, it's something _really_ different...

Evan smiles at Connor and suddenly laughs.

"What is it?" Connor asks reluctantly, his eyes still closed.

"D'you remember how we almost got caught? God knows, what Amily thinks now!"

"Oh, that moment.. yeah, it was pretty awkward..." the boy gives a little laugh and collapses into tall grass. "Oh, and then you said Connor was your tree friend! Ridiculous... How did she even believe you?!"

"Yeah... A tree friend _is_ ridiculous..." Evan gives an unhumorous laugh and continues watching the clouds passing by.

 _And we talk and take in the view..._

It is perfect. It is all Evan wished for so long, actually. Now it all comes true. A real friend that can talk with actual words, not with his rustling leaves. The view is perfect. Connor is perfect. I wish it all was real...

In moments like this you think about something unreal, something you can't see or touch, but something you can _feel._ It follows you anywhere you go and pops up in moments like this one, when you're alone with your thoughts and troubles, alone with the whole world. And the best is when you have someone to share this thoughts with.

"Have you ever thought about the world that surrounds you?" Evan suddenly asks, turning to his _friend_. "Sometimes I get the impression everything around me is not real."

"And what is real then?" Connor asks, opening his eyes and looking at the sky.

"I dunno." Evan shrugs and follows Connor's gaze. "Sky. To me sky is a synonym to eternity, what do you think?"

" _All we see is sky for forever  
We let the world pass by for forever..._" Connor suddenly sings and looks directly into Evan's eyes. "Isn't that true? That's what _I_ think about. If the world passes us by, then we don't matter. And if _we_ don't matter, then who will value us? The world leaves us alone with the sky... _This_ feels like eternity..."

" _Feels like we could go on for forever this way..._ " Evan sings, trying to go along with the song Connor started, and shrugs again. "I've read somewhere that eternity is nothing but what happens now. Like every moment, every minute is your little eternity, your little _forever_. And that means that we really are going on like this for forever... Isn't that interesting?"

"Dude, why do you always get things to be so complicated?" Connor laughs and scowls. "How do we finish it. Say... _  
_

_Feels like we could go on for forever this way  
_ _Two friends on a perfect day..._ "

 _We walk a while and talk about  
_ _The things we'll do when we get out of school  
_ _Bike the Appalachian trail or  
_ _Write a book or learn to sail  
_ _Wouldn't that be cool?.._

And what would he really like to do?..

Evan stands up and helps Connor to stand up too. After nice rest it's good to stretch your legs and take a short walk. The sun starts to set, colouring the whole field into peachy pastel tone as it's still quite high in the sky.

"What do you wanna do when you grow up?" Connor asks, turning his head to Evan.

"Am I not grown up enough?" Evan jokes awkwardly.

"I mean it!" Connor easily gets irritated. That must mean a lot to him. "Like look for adventures or start a family or get a well-payed job..."

"Well..." Evan thinks for a minute. "I would like to start a family but... you know... I get so anxious when I talk to strangers and girls... I will never get a girl..."

"You will!" Connor smiles and slightly punches Evan's shoulder. "You got a friend, so surely you can get a girl! Is there someone you like?"

"Well, there is a girl... b-but I-I..." Evan starts stuttering. He hasn't told Connor whom exactly he likes.

"Calm down, pal!" Connor laughs and starts walking slowly towards the huge tree in the middle of the field. "You'll tell me later!"

"And what about you? Maybe _you_ have someone you wanna have family with?" Evan asks.

Connor never answers.

 _There's nothing that we can't discuss_  
 _Like girls we wish would notice us but never do..._

Evan looks at Connor. He wanted to ask him about his sister anyway. Isn't this perfect time to say who is _the one_?

"Am... Connor?"

The boy turns his head to Evan immediately.

"Wha?"

"You know... I decided to tell you whom I like..."

"Well, that was fast!" Connor gives a small laugh, but then sees that Evan is serious and calms himself. "Sorry, go on."

"It's... It's Z- Zoe..." Evan starts stuttering again, this time because he is afraid of Connors reaction.

"Well... that's... I didn't expect _that_ answer... Erm..." Connor coughs and takes a deep breath. "Let's drop the topic. I will have to think about it, okay?"

Evan nods and goes further. Suddenly he punches Connor so he falls into grass, but the other boy manages to take his revenge and knock Evan off his feet. They roll in tall grass, laughing and sometimes crying out. Eventually they stop playfighting and lie on their backs breathing heavily and still laughing. Evan hears next lines deep in his mind:

 _He looks around and says to me  
"There's nowhere else I'd rather be"  
And I say, "Me too"..._

A perfect scene. And it's a lie... Everything is a lie...

 _And there he goes_  
 _Racing toward the tallest tree  
From far across the yellow field I hear him calling, "Follow me"..._

Suddenly Connor jumps to his feet and starts running to that tree in the middle of the field.

"Come on, Evan!"

Evan does the same, trying to catch up with his friend and feeling wings growing behind his back. It _does_ feel like flying. Right now both boys feel like two birds way up in the sky. The wind whispers their names and calls them somewhere... _somewhere else..._

 _Did Connor hear the same wind calling his name when he... did what he did?.._

But now there's no time to think.

 _There we go_  
 _Wondering how the world might look from up so high..._

Evan's chest is filled with anticipation. How will it look? The tree is really high, maybe even as high as the birds' flight. If you want to see a whole new world, this is the best way to do it: climb the highest tree and you'll feel like a bird. No cares, no strings... and your heart will have wings. Now for long, but this feeling is worth trying to climb up so high.

 _One foot after the other_  
 _One branch then to another..._

Evan's hands are sweaty and shaky, but that doesn't make any difference. He tries not to look down, not only to stay confident, but also not to spoil the feeling of watching the world from up so high. He looks only up and sees Connor already sitting on a firm branch.

"Hey, Evan, climb faster!" He suddenly starts climbing higher. "We should get higher! It doesn't look that impressive from this height!"

 _I climb higher and higher..._

And here it goes... that special feeling you get when you've waited for something for so long and it finally comes true. The sun has made almost half it's way down and the sky is bright orange and red. The sun paints everything in those bright colours, so Evan sees a red sunbeam he hesitates for a moment. Then he turns his head and sees Connor, who has already reached the top. His hair shines in the sunlight and turns blood-red.

 _I climb 'til the entire  
Sun shines on my face..._

Evan climbs up slowly and finally he sees it. The strange feeling that was slight in the beginning now pierces his heart and soul, filling him with different emotions. Everything shines red in the sunlight and he sees some birds flying in the distance. But the best feeling is a feeling if a friends shoulder right next to yours. The boy holds the branch firmly with his right hand and stretches out the other one. The air is so cool and sweet that it feels like you can drink it. This is a perfect moment and this is their forever... And even though it never happened, I will keep this in my mind just to know that it _could_ have happened in another life... Another life... One more feeling pierces Evan. We all sometimes get that feeling. How does it feel to be someone else? Would someone see the difference? The answer seems obvious to Evan. No one would see the difference because no one notices him. Neither do they notice Connor. At this point they almost feel like brothers.

 _And I suddenly feel the branch give way..._

Everything inside Evan freezes for a second. The tree is so tall that he will surely die when he reaches the land. But... will somebody notice he's not there? Not standing behind the window anymore? Will Zoe think of him when he's dead? And what dying is like? Is it painful, or do you just drift off into sleep? Evan looks up and sees Connor's terrified face. He immediately starts to climb down the tree but there is no way he is going to get down in time. Evan closes his eyes and imagines Zoe. It seems just fascinating how many things a person can do while falling.

 _I'm on the ground  
My arm goes numb..._

Suddenly everything ends. And I never knew what dying felt like... Why did he think he would die? Maybe because he wants it. And this is the first time he asks himself: "Did you fall or did you let go?" I didn't let go. I never would. Never in my entire life.

 _I look around  
And I see him come to get me  
He's come to get me  
And everything's okay..._

Connor jumps off the tree and runs to his friend. Fortunately, everything is okay except his arm, but a broken arm is really nothing in comparison to death.

"Dude, woah! You could've died!" Connor helps Evan to get to his feet and looks into his eyes. "Come on, I'll drive you home..."

Evan stands up and smiles. Broken arm is really nothing. The main thing is that he was _found..._

 _All we see is sky for forever_  
 _We let the world pass by for forever..._

It doesn't matter that the world passes them by, they _let_ it do so. Nothing matters as long as he has his friend and the sky above their heads.

The sun has already set. Now they can only see a thin stripe of light way off in the distance. The air is cool and blows all over Evan's face, making him forget about pain in his arm for several moments. He still hears wind calling his name, but this time he didn't succumb to it. He is staying with his friend.

 _Buddy, you and I for forever this way, this way..._

This moment is their eternity. And they go on like this for forever... and this will never end. For several seconds Evan feels like this road and this summer will never end. But honestly, he would love it to be so. No matters, no cares, no strings... just he, Connor, road and deep-blue evening sky.

 _All we see is light  
'Cause the sun burns bright..._

Evan looks at the sky and smiles slightly. Of course, the sun is hiding right now, but he knows it's still shining somewhere. This was like with Zoe Murphy. He didn't see her much, they barely talked to each other, but still Evan knew that she exists and lives deep in his soul, so he was happy just to see her talking to her friends.

 _We could be alright for forever this way_  
 _Two friends_  
 _True friends_  
 _On a perfect day..._

Evan sighs and closes his eyes, almost forgetting about pain in his arm as he got used to it. He drifts off into sleep and returns to the scene at the tree. His last thought is that if they take one wrong turn, this moment will become their eternity... this time _for real..._

Evan suddenly stopped talking, nearly saying the last words of his fantasy. He didn't mention some details. If he did, Connor's family would think he brought him to committing a suicide. He looked back at Connor's mother and saw tears shining in her eyes.

This never happened, but still it didn't mean he can't make a nice memory out of that.

* * *

 _So, folks, how was it? Hope you enjoyed it! As fas as I remember, there aren't any Easter eggs hidden, but if you find a hint for one, then let me know! ;)_

 _Waiting for your comments!_

 _xoxo, Betsy_


End file.
